Am I Putting Too Much Pressure on Myself?

As I’ve said in previous posts, I realise I’ve been massively MIA lately and I’ve certainly not given my little space my all. We get so wrapped in social and trying to portray our lives in the best possible light – but sometimes there are more important things to worry about and things are not as rosy as filters and captions may show. Grab a cup of tea, as you’ll be here for the long-haul, while I round-up everything that’s going on right now...

Despite thinking in my mind I am on top of everything, I am forever playing catch up because of all the time I have off. I write a weekly ‘to do’ list and try and keep weekly tasks to the same day each week. Obviously sometimes other jobs come along and things need to be prioritised. I feel like I’m not working hard enough when I don’t complete my ‘to do’ list, because I feel like I should be arriving earlier or finishing later – when in reality, it’s not a big deal. If I don’t get something done one day, there’s always the next! I have tomorrow and next Monday at work before holiday – but I also know I have a hefty handover to pass on while I’m away and need to get that in place, too!

Like I’ve said countless times, I really haven’t put much effort into this. It’s either been the case of no content planned and/or writer’s block, or having ideas but lacking time and energy to actually write, photograph etc. I have always put pressure on myself to keep my blog updated – since the day I transitioned from graduating and being unemployed, to working full time and commuting. I have always wanted to blog twice a week and have tried my hardest to keep this to Tuesday and Thursday (not sure why, but I like it). I want to carry this on; I want to keep my Facebook page active (despite the lack of engagement); I want to take part in more Twitter chats and feel part of the community again; I want to catch up or do things with my blogger friends; I want to buy a layout and make it all look prettier; I want to have content worth reading. Blogging has been my favourite hobby for the best part of six years and I don’t want it to end.

Social Life
At the moment, my social life is pretty shocking. Okay, so we go away next week and are attending a wedding; there are a few birthdays next month; and I have about three free weekends until the end of October. But I have friends I’ve not seen since the beginning of the year and it’s rubbish! I have noticed, as you grow older, the number of friends you have dwindles and it’s difficult coming together when people work different patterns, have numerous social circles and generally, busy lives... but it makes me want to see my friends more and be more appreciative of them. The last couple of months, I’ve realised who my friends actually are – it’s funny how quickly people change, or don’t wanna know as soon as you have good news or something to talk about! I feel as though there are people I should make more effort with.
Home Life
The last fortnight was strange, as my mum was on holiday and my brother has moved out – so it was just me at home. Most people would be buzzing at the prospect, but not me. It was a massive eye opener and made me realise how much I take living at home for granted – but I struggled. There were nights my sleep was so broken, I didn’t want to wake up for work; I didn’t enjoy cooking for one every evening; and I certainly didn’t enjoy all the cleaning/tidying/bin sorting that needed doing! I don’t like being on my own and I could certainly never live alone. And then there was the Sunday I bit off more than I could chew... I decided to cook a roast, followed by making individual crumbles. I don’t think any of the meal went right, I burnt my arm and hand and ended up in floods of tears – and I still don’t know why. I know I can cook, I think I was over-tired and then hormones got the better of me.

One thing people who read my blog and follow me on social may not know: I severely lack self-confidence... yes thank god for filters! It stemmed from being bullied at school, to shitty comments by ex-boyfriends and then obviously everything to do with my condition. There was a point last year (up until as recently as March this year) when I felt good, but there are days that’s completely gone. I care too much about what others think – even when those people don’t matter. There are three things currently that get me down: spots, stretch marks and the fact I cannot laser... anyone that knows me, knows that the IPL machine is life! My skincare routine has become hell – I must use at least nine products a day (most of those are Palmer’s, btw... thank you Beky) and to no avail. I’ve been scrutinising my outfits, especially for work, to compensate. I’m getting my hair cut on Friday which will be a boost and I’ll be packing my fake tan when we go away. I know that the break will do me the world of good. And as soon as I can, I’ll be booking a brow tint and shape.

If anyone has any advice on how I can chill, please leave a comment or Tweet me!

Love, Lucy xx

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