Anyone
who has experienced grief will know that it never leaves you. It comes and goes
in waves. It can creep up on you when you least expect it, knocking you for six,
crashing down like a tonne of bricks.
Life
moves on. It’s not the same, it feels different. Things you used to love are no
longer enjoyable or it takes time to appreciate them again, seeing them in a
whole new light.
The opportunity
to go back, to live that moment again, to do something differently. You often wonder;
if things were different, how would they play out? What would happen? As if we
could actually time travel, go back in time, or live another life, a future
life, and do it all again.
10
years is such a long time, so much has happened since then. At the same time,
it feels like not so long ago. Like what do you mean I’m now in my mid-30s,
properly adulting every single day?!
You
never think you’ll lose someone you love so young. I was so young. You were
still young. There were plenty more years left to live.
You have
missed out on so much since. I bought a house, got married, had two beautiful (football
mad!) boys.
You have
missed your beloved Barnet return to the Football League as Champions – and only
just miss out on the play-offs on our first season back. You have missed
Arsenal win the Premier League, the first time in 22 years. We’ll be cheering
them on this weekend too, as they reached the Champions League final too. Trust
the process.
Whether
they are big personal milestones, or ones that perhaps pale into insignificance
in the grand scheme of things, the fact remains – they’ve been missed.
A
weekend of hearing stories, anecdotes, memories come together proved how many
lives you touched and how many people remember. We made sure we celebrated you –
with a barbecue of course.
Everyday,
I think of you. Wonder what you’d think of this little life I’ve created. The
boys often hold your photo. They may not have met you, but they’ll know of you,
I’ll make sure.
Love
you always, dad.
Love, Lucy xx
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Love, Lucy xx